About Author: Gemma Creagh

Website
http://www.halfagiraffe.tv
Description
Having been sold into an underground Fortune Cookie producing slave ring at a young age (her exact date of birth is presently unknown), Gemma Creagh was almost burnt at the stake for being a witch when it was noted that her prophecies were scarily accurate. Deported to Cork and then Dublin to study Media, she currently resides in a bunker underneath Stephens Green Shopping Centre writing funny things and dealing with her irrational hatred of all things Cronenberg.

Posts by Gemma Creagh

  • Every year on December 31st, the bloated hungover masses vow never to do/eat/drink/ride whatever their individual vices may be, mostly in an effort to comply with the outdated social construction of the New Year’s resolution – something designed to make you feel so guilty could really only be a tool of the Catholic Church). So pretty much without fail every year, 99.9999999999999% of these earnestly uttered promises are broken within the early few hours of the 1st January.

    A successful guide to New Years Resolutions

    Posted on Wednesday, 28 December 2011 | View Comments
    Every year on December 31st, the bloated hungover masses vow never to do/eat/drink/ride whatever their individual vices may be, mostly in an effort to comply with the outdated social construction of the New Year’s resolution – something designed to make you feel so guilty could really only be a tool of the Catholic Church). So pretty much without fail every year, 99.9999999999999% of these earnestly uttered promises are broken within the early few hours of the 1st January.

    Continue Reading...

  • Searching for something to buy that special someone this Xmas? Well Look no further! Earlier today TV3’s political presenter, Vincent Browne, has announced the release of a new fragrance, The Scent...

    Vincent Browne releases Fragrance

    Posted on Tuesday, 15 November 2011 | View Comments
    Searching for something to buy that special someone this Xmas? Well Look no further! Earlier today TV3’s political presenter, Vincent Browne, has announced the release of a new fragrance, The Scent...

    Continue Reading...

  • In this horrendous economy, people are being sacked and made redundant left, right and center. Cut backs and outsourcing are causing thousands of people across the country to get the old ‘heave-ho’ and be forced to reapply for their old jobs in the likes of Xtravision and Superquinn, despite having a PHD and/or Nobel prizes.

    10 things to do before leaving your job

    Posted on Tuesday, 25 October 2011 | View Comments
    In this horrendous economy, people are being sacked and made redundant left, right and center. Cut backs and outsourcing are causing thousands of people across the country to get the old ‘heave-ho’ and be forced to reapply for their old jobs in the likes of Xtravision and Superquinn, despite having a PHD and/or Nobel prizes.

    Continue Reading...

  • As a both medical doctor and a spiritual guru, my new book “Take it up the Karma”, will to help you navigate through the minefield of unhappiness to the nudist camp of calm. You too can be the envy of your friends, rubbing your newly found nirvana right in their face in no time.

    The 5 Steps to Happiness

    Posted on Monday, 12 September 2011 | View Comments
    As a both medical doctor and a spiritual guru, my new book “Take it up the Karma”, will to help you navigate through the minefield of unhappiness to the nudist camp of calm. You too can be the envy of your friends, rubbing your newly found nirvana right in their face in no time.

    Continue Reading...

  • From the Celebrity Big Brother House to the Áras an Uachtaráin. Twin pop sensation Jedward, of X Factor fame, have today announced their intention to run in the Irish presidential election.

    News Brief: Celebrity Big Brother contestants, Jedward for President

    Posted on Monday, 22 August 2011 | View Comments
    From the Celebrity Big Brother House to the Áras an Uachtaráin. Twin pop sensation Jedward, of X Factor fame, have today announced their intention to run in the Irish presidential election.

    Continue Reading...

  • The latest Half A Giraffe Sketch: Poor Mike's Birthday celebrations come to an abrupt halt when he returns to find his family waiting up... Tough Love Hurts.

    Tough Love

    Posted on Thursday, 11 August 2011 | View Comments
    The latest Half A Giraffe Sketch: Poor Mike's Birthday celebrations come to an abrupt halt when he returns to find his family waiting up... Tough Love Hurts.

    Continue Reading...

  • 10 reasons not to bother going on a package holiday this summer...

    Sun(holiday)-Stroke

    Posted on Monday, 8 August 2011 | View Comments
    10 reasons not to bother going on a package holiday this summer...

    Continue Reading...

  • Out must come the smelly wellies, the moldy, beer-covered Tesco tents, and the oversized novelty hats and glasses; it's that time of year again – music festival season! Derived from their pagan origins, Festivals have not changed much in recent years, and are a booze-filled, Bear-Grills-esque survival adventure at the best of times.

    Festival Fit: 10 tips to Survive a Festival

    Posted on Monday, 20 June 2011 | View Comments
    Out must come the smelly wellies, the moldy, beer-covered Tesco tents, and the oversized novelty hats and glasses; it's that time of year again – music festival season! Derived from their pagan origins, Festivals have not changed much in recent years, and are a booze-filled, Bear-Grills-esque survival adventure at the best of times.

    Continue Reading...

  • After Christianity has been proved false by the Rapture not coming to fruition, this brings to popularity another religion, Gemmism. This is a religion I’ve created which is based around the teachings of lord and savior, Bill Hicks – with the basic ideology being the condemnation of behavior commonly described as assholiation. There are a few simple rules by which one must live by in the Gemmist faith: 1. Thou shalt not play music on thy phone speakers on the bus.

    My Own Personal Rapture

    Posted on Monday, 30 May 2011 | View Comments
    After Christianity has been proved false by the Rapture not coming to fruition, this brings to popularity another religion, Gemmism. This is a religion I’ve created which is based around the teachings of lord and savior, Bill Hicks – with the basic ideology being the condemnation of behavior commonly described as assholiation. There are a few simple rules by which one must live by in the Gemmist faith: 1. Thou shalt not play music on thy phone speakers on the bus.

    Continue Reading...

  • Queen Elizabeth will be popping across the pond today, as I’m sure many Cork and Dublin have been made aware due to the crizz-azy traffic across both city centers. There’s a guard on every street corner, and many hospitals are on standby – meaning Copper Face Jack’s has faced a customer lull in the last week akin to those predicted for Armageddon. There are, of course, heightened security concerns that protesters are seeking to disrupt her itinerary, so Government officials have kept the ‘precise’ time and duration of each leg of her four-day itinerary under wraps for security reasons.

    Queen Elizabeth does a Dublin/Cork combo

    Posted on Tuesday, 17 May 2011 | View Comments
    Queen Elizabeth will be popping across the pond today, as I’m sure many Cork and Dublin have been made aware due to the crizz-azy traffic across both city centers. There’s a guard on every street corner, and many hospitals are on standby – meaning Copper Face Jack’s has faced a customer lull in the last week akin to those predicted for Armageddon. There are, of course, heightened security concerns that protesters are seeking to disrupt her itinerary, so Government officials have kept the ‘precise’ time and duration of each leg of her four-day itinerary under wraps for security reasons.

    Continue Reading...

« Older Entries