Memory Foam

Much like the nostalgia of macroom bars and retro sweets, I now embark upon a gustatory adventure, the aim of which to return me to the mindset of my youth. I plan on recalling those glorious days of yesteryear by sampling the evolution of my alcohol consumption… So I line up the drinks I used to enjoy, in chronological order, and begin drinking:

1. Woodies – I take a sip of the sweet, innocent-tasting alcopop with the cartoon character on the front. Bang: I’m fourteen again, dancing in the tennis club disco, sneaking sips of the stolen bounty while my friend was getting groped by a short spotty boy with enough lynx on to fumigate a farm. One down!

2. Devils Bit/Linden Village – Ahhh, the slightly urine flavored ciders incite a warm fuzzy-headedness after I shot-gun them both. I’m whisked away in a cider-prompted haze to the awkward knacker-drinking events of my mid-teenage years. It was a simpler time, when the smoking age was 16 and nothing beat the elation of finding an easy-going off-license worker.

3. Tuburg /Dutch Gold – There’s a proud moment when one graduates from the sweet taste of the cider to the fizzy goodness of the low-cost beer. As I moved into my later teens, cider became so blasé and the discount beer became the cause for a number of terrible boy-related decisions! I’m cringing with the memory as I drain the second can. At least it helps numb the pain slightly!

4. Vodka and cranberry – When in my later teens, and going to actual pubs, I enjoyed the grown up flavor that I’m now. It’s funny, I can’t even taste the vodka, and I thought I gave myself a pretty decent portion. I’ll add a bit more in… Just to be safe. Yeah, this is the drink of choice when I stumbled about the various rock bars that, I’ve since come to despise, as now the music is too loud. Does that make me old? Nah, I’m still pretty with it.

5. Buckfast – The choice of drink for a good chunk of my college years, the flavor as I taste it now is like a syrupy mold-flavored grape juice – a lá rocket fuel. Thiss sstuff is pretty decent in strength and is whhast we used to down by the bucket load for the various ragg weeks and ba;;s and things. It’s rocket fuel, or as I like to call it, evil Ribena. Its not as bad as I remember, but then I don’t know how easy it is to form new memories on the stuff. Good times. I miss my homies tho… ah shit. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry during this.

6. White wine – Time to get a bit more civilized, I started drinking this stuff when out for meals, not unlike the chinese I’m eating now for a bit of soakage. Shite, I’m getting fried rice all over the keyboarsad. 6 drinks in… I feel grand, d’know? positive, knowledgeable. Go on ask me a question, anything.

7. Paulaner ¬– I startedd drinking the fancy beers when I got a job and liked to splash out on things like Oktoberfest. Nothing makes people feel important like an overly fancy glass. Tall ones, or germany-type ones. Sometimes I like to steal them from bars but they make the stuff inside my bag all damp. Shit… don’t think that Take Away sat well, I think I’m going to -

Blrerrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

8. Captain Morgans Spiced rum – Look how informed and trendy I am… I started dinking this BEFORE it was cool. YEah!! However its quite dangerous when at house parties as when mixed with coke actually just tastes like cream soda, which makes it a one way ticket to black out central. WOOOOOOOO. Only joking… wow, you’re actually pretty hot..?> What’s your sign? ? sd What? I was only jokingss. As if I’d hit on a dickhead.. like uyo.

9. Red Wine – THish is a GOOd drink.k. cI enjoy Red WINEwith dinners and nnnkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjukh,mggggggggggggnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnbvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

10. Whiskey (AKA The devils drink) I must have passed out on the keyboard… I feel pretty ropey after this trip down memory lane. I’m going to have my hair of the dog, which is a straight whiskey, and then it’s off to work as a pilot I go.

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