A new study in sexuality being conducted in Harvard University has confirmed the fact that the female g-spot is not in the vagina, as previously indicated. The study was instigated when Professor Carlos Humperdink realised he had never actually witnessed his wife clean out her ears.
“I cut my toe nails and pick my nose and clean my ears in front of my wife, and I noticed I had never actually seen my wife clean out her ears. I asked all of my colleagues if they had ever seen any female in their life cleaning out their ears, and the answer was universally and unanimously “No.” So I set up a video camera in my wife’s bathroom, and the findings were… shocking.”
Doctor Elizabeth Fernswatch, head of Female Studies in UCLA, released the following statement:
“Yes, the female g-spot can be found quite easily, right inside the ear. Quite frankly, we’re surprised we’ve been able to keep it a secret for this long. Every woman has let it be known that they fake orgasms, and yes, we have always been private when it comes to our “ear-time”, so it’s not like there haven’t been clues left for you all to find.”
When asked why they have been lying about the exact location of female arousal for all these years, Dr. Fernswatch had this to say:
“Isn’t it obvious? For babies. It’s the only way we could get you men to focus on that area, pretend we enjoy it as much as you do. If you’d all known that we much prefer it in the ear, well… I’m not sure I could guess the consequences.”
Guessing the consequences is no longer necessary, as even though its only been a week since the announcement of the new locale of the female g-spot, there have already been reactions, including but not exclusive to:
- Ear-muffs designed by Kanye West are on the cover of every women’s magazine.
- Men with tiny, ear-hole sized penises are in high demand.
- Q-Tip have admitted that their electric ear-cleaners are a sex toy.
- It is now mandatory that doctors only take their patients temperature orally.
- World’s pregnancy rate has dropped 97%.
This recent discovery had given hope to billions of men around the world that the location of the male g-spot was also incorrect. Alas, according to Professor Humperdink, this is not the case: “No, it is definitely up the anus. Right up in there.”
Posted in Staff Writer |