There are some people in this world who seem like the have earned the dues, who have worked hard to get to where they are, and who know when they’re (and more importantly, when they’re NOT) welcome to intrude upon their lives. None of these people will be present on the following list.
- Pitbull
Having titled his most recent album Planet Pit (ugh…), clearly Pitbull doesn’t think too highly of himself. But since his first album in 2004, he has released SIX albums, and this year alone, has released four singles of his own, and guest appeared on seven others. Go away.
- Katherine Heigl
Rotten Tomatoes scores of Heigl’s last four films; Killers (11%), Life As We Know It (28%), The Ugly Truth (14%), 27 Dresses (40%, hooray!). Next up is the rom-com New Years Day, the semi-sequel to Valentine’s Day (17%), and then One For The Money, from the director of The Last Song (20%) which is about a bounty hunter chasing down their ex, which sounds a lot like The Bounty Hunter (7%).
- will.i.am
Almost single-handedly responsible for the failure of Cheryl Cole’s career, and also the introduction of the current trend in monotonous electro-dance-r’n'b hybrid that EVERY. SINGLE. SONG must sound like lately. He’s also thinking he can act (X-Men Wolverine: 37%) and is being hired as a creative director for Intel (WTF??). Top it all off with his new album title, The Black Einstein, and he’s changing his name to Zuper Blahq. Gross.
- Kate Hudson
Back to Rotten Tomatoes: A Little Bit Of Heaven (6%), Something Borrowed (14%), Bride Wars (11%), Fool’s Gold (11%), My Best Friends Girl (14%), You Me & Dupree (21%), Raising Helen (23%), Alex & Emma (11%)… thats quite a track record. Remember to the girl from Almost Famous? What happened to her? We miss her. Come back when you’re her again.
- David Guetta
Think of every annoyingly catchy song that seems to be played in every club and on every radio station every day for three months straight. There is a very good chance that Guetta was involved with it. There was a moment, some time in 2009, when it seemed like he was a good influence. But then, just like will.i.am, everything seemed to sound the same. Also, his song titles are the worst kind of generic, but we all look forward to future releases “Dance To This” and “Music Is Nice”.
Also shortlisted for expulsion from life:
- Lil’ Wayne. So far in 2011, Mister Wayne has appeared on over THIRTY different singles, not including any he has released himself. He’s done raps with Jennifer Lopez, Joe Jonas, Madonna and Mariah Carey. Isn’t there some kind of Rap Guy Respect Repo company out there hunting him down?
- Jack Black. His films seem to do rather well critically (five of his last eight movies scored over 70% on RT), but he himself… he is just draining. And when he gets it wrong (Gulliver’s Travels, Year One), its a cinematic train wreck. Take some time off, a few years maybe, then come back with a dramedy like Will Ferrell did with Stranger Than Fiction. Actually, come to think of it…
- Will Ferrell. Take another break, then come back with Even Stranger Than Fiction.
- RedOne, real name Nadir Khayat. There’s a very good chance you have no idea who he is, but he wrote and produced the following songs: “Just Dance”, “LoveGame”, “Poker Face”, “Bad Romance”, “Alejandro”, “Judas”… that’s right. RedOne is the person responsible for Lady GaGa’s popularity. We need to sort this problem out from it’s source.
Tags: david guetta, funny, jack black, kate hudson, katherine heigl, lady gaga, lil wayne, movies, music, pitbull, redone, will ferrell, will.i.am
Posted in Staff Writer |
