Half A Giraffe

The comedy stylings of the pleasantly deranged

Tag Archives: steven spielberg


RIP Andy Serkis; The Dark Side of Mo-Cap

Thursday, 28 April 2011 by Rory Cashin

The great modern-day actor Andy Serkis (real name Andrew Serkissian) was found dead in his swimming pool today by his maid. While a great actor in his own right, Serkis is more well known for his work in motion capture, with his performance given a CG-makeover for the likes of Gollum in Lord Of The Rings, Kong in King Kong, as well as mo-capped roles in the upcoming Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes and The Adventures Of Tin Tin.

In happier times. (i.e. before death)

A close friend of Serkis revealed the possible cause of his death:

“Its all stupid Spielberg’s fault! He kept trying to push Andy further and further with mo-cap stuff, and he finally broke and agreed to star as the shark in the remake of Jaws!”

When approached for comment, Spielberg had this to say:

“I am deeply morose [sic] about the lose of my close friend Andy. I had the pleasure to work with him on the set of TinTin, and he is truly the world’s greatest mo-cap performer. If anyone in the world could have pulled off mo-capping the shark in the remake of Jaws, it was Andy.”

Here's Andy, mo-capping for the role of a man.

Video footage from the CCTV cameras around Serkis’ home have found that he had been living in and around his swimming pool for almost two weeks prior to his date of death, with the last four days spent entirely underwater. Along with his body, police found the carcasses of seventeen fish at the bottom of the pool, along with a digested licence plate and most of the hull of a small boat.

Rumours thats all of this is in fact Serkis’ attempt at mo-capping for the role of Joe Gills in the remake of Sunset Boulevard is yet to be confirmed.

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The Day The World Became 3D

Monday, 17 May 2010 by Rory Cashin

Due to the massive box-office (and minimal brain hemorrhaging) of post-production 3D films Clash Of The Titans and Alice In Wonderland, it would seem that every film company is jumping on the 3D bandwagon (and missing it completely, because 3D totally f**ks up your depth perception). The thanks/blame rests solely with Avatar for this wonderful glut of upcoming epilepsy-inducing movies. Currently running at $2.7 Billion (and climbing), James Cameron’s epic obviously made all of that money because he spent years developing that technology and integrating it into the pre-production and not just adding it as a Nurofen stock-climbing afterthought, as well as it being greeted with universal critical acclaim it was in 3D.

Following news that Titanic, 300, The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy and the Star Wars Saga are all getting 3D re-releases in the not too distant future, Half A Giraffe have exclusively discovered the spate of Steven Spielberg movies about to recieve similar treatment:

Schindler’s List; admittedly, not something you’d consider would necessarily need a third dimension added, but the movie is one of Spielberg’s lowest grossing movies (released just months after Jurassic Park, producers were anticipating another monster hit on their hands, and were sorely disappointed went movie goers didn’t flock to the Nazi’s as quickly as they did to the dinosaurs). But now that its being re-released in 3D, it will be a guaranteed money-maker. You’ll be reaching out to touch the holocaust.

Jaws; even betterĀ  than being just re-released, Spielberg is re-making the movie from scratch. An insider has informed HaG will be in 3D, set in the year 2097, and will take place on the Moon, with the holiday resort around the Sea Of Tranquility being terrorized by moon sharks. When HaG asked how can there be moon sharks if there is no water in the Sea Of Tranquility, the insider said that fact didn’t come up in any of the writers meetings.

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull; following on from the news that his next new film will be WarHorse based on the novel about a WWI told from the point of view of a horse, Spielberg has decided to marry this concept to the editing work he did on ET (replacing the guns with walkie talkies) that infinitely improved that modern classic movie, and retell the fourth Indy movie from the point of view of prarie dogs at the beginning of the movie, the tarzan monkeys in the middle, and the alien heads at the end. Audacious. And in 3D.

The Adventures of TinTin; The Secret Of The Unicorn; never one to miss a beat, Spielberg is already pre-empting the backlash of 3D, and has developed a 1D version of his upcoming movie. It will require special magnifying glasses to see the milimetre wide characters on the big screen, but Steven is convinced this is a way to bring things “back to basics” once everyone is over the 3D fad.

Until then, expect more and more of the third dimension in our lives, as it seeps into more movies, tv shows, video games, advertisements… Soon it will seem like our entire lives are playing out in 3D.

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Posted in Staff Writer |