Half A Giraffe

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The World’s Most Boring Jobs

Wednesday, 17 November 2010 by Rory Cashin

We’d like to apologise to anybody who finds themselves working in any of the following professions. We’d like to, but we won’t. Because we hate you.

- the mortgage advisor.

- the jigsaw puzzle piece cutter.

- the clothes peg fault line checker.

- the fig-into-roll inserter.

- the subtitler.

- the lightbulb maker.

- the lipstick length checker.

- the wicker chair maker.

- the ear bud maker.

- the White House painter.

- the faulty velcro repairer.

- the bible page numberer.

- the shower curtain maker.

- the salt taster

- the nose hair clipper tester.

- the toothbrush colourer.

- Daniel Bedingfield’s personal assistant.

- the wire hanger repairer.

- the apron tester.

- the bed spring manufacturer.

- the magazine binderer.

- the ice cube tray designer.

- Jim Corr’s publicist.

- the ice cap movement measurer.

- the pearl necklace maker.

- the typewriter ink ribbon inserter.

- the hotel room picture painter.

- Dannii Minogue’s correspondence writer.

- the globe maker.

- the dry ice machine operator.

- the soup granuale manufacturer.

- the bifocal glasses designer.

- the head of the melaine blatt fan club.

- the exit sign designer.

- the door handle inserter.

- the fake blood manufacturer.

- the holy bread taster.

- Jedward’s Greatest Hits album producer.

- the calendar date numberer.

- the coal sacker.

- the ruler manufacturer.

- the lead-into-pencil inserter.

- the rose de-thorner.

- Martin Scorsese’s award cabinet maker.

- the school desk designer.

- the plug designer.

- the socket designer.

- the pocket manufacturer.

- the eyebrow plucker tester.

- Jessica Simpson’s personal tutor.

- the toothpaste tester.

- the doorbell ding-dong sound designer.

- the eye lash curler maker.

- the lamp shade manufacturer.

- Russell Crowe’s yoga instructor.

- the cereal pack weight checker.

- the shoe lacer.

- the doll hair specialist.

- the rubber band designer.

- the cotton woll baller.

- the universal t.v. remote control checker.

- the shoe boxer.

- the still water sparkler.

- the Lego piece designer.

- the pillow filler.

- the earring-back manufacturer.

- the zip maker.

- the lollipop stick maker.

- the hair brush bristler.

- the rubix cube maker.

- the stamp gluer.

- the clock-face number sticker-on person.

- the candle wick manufacturer.

- the weather erosion geological observationalist.

- Christina Aguilera granny knickers supplier.

- the snail reproductive cycle observer.

- the pasta dehydrater.

- the tablet packager.

- the bottle top screwer-on-er.

- the shoe sole maker.

- the jean ripper.

- James Cameron’s modesty wrangler.

- the pen nib manufacturer.

- the scrunchy maker.

- the bread slicer.

- the product bar coder.

- the light switch manufacturer.

- the food-fat remover.

- the Olsen Twins telling-apart co-ordinator.

- the easter egg wrapper.

- the dice numberer.

- the bird seed bagger.

- the precipitation level monitor.

- the Bruce Willis stereotype diffuser.

- the fishnet stocking maker.

- the staple maker.

- the toilet roll insert inserter.

- the paper clip tester.

- the elasticated tie designer.

- Paris Hilton’s librarian.

- the tinsel manufacturer.

- the bubble wrap maker.

- the polystyrene bead manufacturer.

- the non stick coating tester.

- Marilyn Manson’s personal tanning assistant.

(special thanks to Elaine Daly for helping me with this)

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  • Simon

    I think being a fake blood manufacturer could be kinda cool… like people could say: “Did you bludgeon your wife to death” and you could be all like: eh no that’s totally fake.

    • Anonymous

      Hmmmm. Tried that, doesn’t work.

  • Marguerite

    I dunno, bubble wrap maker sounds fun – as long as they give you freebies to take home and pop to your heart’s content.

    • Anonymous

      What if the bubbles randomly contain chlorine gas?

  • Ash

    But the aliens make the figrolls cause they gots lots of hands so they can make them quicklier!

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